Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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