If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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