so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
