I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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