Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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