We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
