I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
