I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
