why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
