i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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