Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and she was petting her beer can
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
