i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
