LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
