im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
