Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
