Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
