As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
