i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The adults are the big ones right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
