I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
