My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
