I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize