my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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