i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
