I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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