I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
