they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
