Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
