hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
