We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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