can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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