I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's the barista slut.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
