Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
