So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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