It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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