I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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