im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
