Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
