I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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