I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
