she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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