just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
