I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
