I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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