So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
