She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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