So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
