I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We talked him into tasing himself.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
