I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
