My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
