hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
