forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
