How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So many bounce houses so little time
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
