at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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