At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
