Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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