I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
