For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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