i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize