It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
