Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
