if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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