girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
