Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
