You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
