I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
