She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dick very happy bro
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
