Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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