wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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